Sometimes, This Is What Life Is About..

Sometimes, life's like an abandoned, ruined mansion,whose pieces are scattered par recollection. Slowly the greenery of sadness and sorrows, and events around absorb the view, as they start growing on the ruins. And a sense of normalcy is restored. As everything looks as if nothing ever existed there before the greenery and the ruins, since eons. Seeping through the cracks of the ruins is Life, or what's left of it, flowing along, but doesn't know its path upstream. How can anything so broken,so damaged, flow upwards? How can things go right, if the whole base, the whole foundation is wrong; with no risks involved, unlike the salmons jumping upstream, getting caught by the grizzlies? Like being scared about making choices, because you're scared they might be wrong? 

Because this is not life, this is not what life is all about. This prolonged existence of the ruins, lived upon by the greenery of sorrows and vines of sadness is not it, because below it, still the base remains,to be dug up,to be built again.

People often walk down a lane,where they can't make a turn ever, so do most of the events around us. That doesn't mean we just sit down at that point and assume it is normal. No, it isn't.

This prolonged era of whatever that was, the whole assumption was wrong, of course.  

Life's something that sits on the dandelions, loitering and gliding in the open blue sky, location-untraced and destiny-unknown.

Life's sometimes strange and magical, like rising from it's own ashes, just like the phoenix; for a whole new beginning, and touching lives along. Life's that mansion to be rebuilt, choices to be made, those salmons still jumping upstream, with all those risks involved.

As a couple of epic lines from the movie "17 again" went by -

"When you're young and something goes wrong happens, everything seems the end, but it isn't. You get hurt by someone and perhaps you have to meet a couple of such jerks more, till you find the perfect person who treats you just the way you ought to be, like a princess, like the sun rises and sets with you."

So true. So for me, maybe a few jerks more,maybe a few risks more and no more use blaming destiny or whatsoever reasons for life not happening, because you need to make it happen. The element that's needed to make it work, the secret ingredient is You, Yourself!! :)

Tattooed On My Mind...

This is for You.

 I know you'll never read it, but it's just for my satisfaction, that i am putting this "out there", just for the sake of it. It's more like i'm sending this out into some black hole..some kinda void, but it's just for me.

I could never let you know how i felt about you. Too many unspoken words in between you and me,

most of them flung into the air and still dangling mid-air, with no one wanting to hear them or speak.

You and I were never meant to be, i always told you that. Still, why did you keep coming back? Why? 

When you came to me, you weren't someone i was looking out for, neither was i interested, but now that you're gone, i don't understand why this hollowness prevails within me.? Why were you here? You came as a lesson, that i understood as time passed, still.. there's something more to you than just that right?!

When you said you liked me..you suddenly went quiet. i never knew why. Later you called it love, I never knew that either. Wish you had told me everything the way you felt back then.. Why are you still lingering in my thoughts i don't get it. It's been nearly 4 years,goddamnit!! You left..I told you to..Still you are here, in my mind..taking up too much space.. i need space for more important stuff.. so just go awayy!!!Shooo!!

Sometimes i hate you so much that everything around me feels stingy and irritating just like you. Sometimes i just think and think and think of you, like you said you used to think about me. But things went awry. Now you're gone...with her.. 

I hear she's great, still why did you keep coming back? I never wanted to tell you off.. but i had to..for my own sake, and the sake of you..being with her. You always hated me for being so outright selfless,right?!

I want to tell you, for that moment you apologized to me for messing things up, i forgave you right then, right away. I want to tell you that every time i told you i don't remember what we had, or what you said to me back then, that i remember every word of it,every phrase.

You always acted like a little kid!! You know that right?! I never could tell you this, but you really acted like a fussy child,who didn't get what he wanted,so he became soo angryy, that he had to go find someone better right away! Yes she's better. But you didn't have to spring back at me with her, right after two months of us parting ways. But why did you keep coming back? I asked you..you never answered me!Are you confused or tricking yourself? What is it between you and me?! Or what was it, i'd rather say.

I take love as a pure thing, so there was never a point where we could have gone for a trial run n see where the things rolled out.. No. you're either in it or just not..

I am not like the girls you've known. You know that as well. You said that yourself, there's a difference between everyone else and me..i was not just anybody.

It's been quite a while, i've been standing still..looking at you..with her. yeah,sometimes i wish it was me in place of her, but what can i do?! Yes, i regret saying no to you then at times, but that fussy kid side of you just got me scared. What if you had walked away? I couldn't stand that much hurt. I always liked you..though initially not in that way, but later, yeah. Maybe you're living in these pretentious thoughts that i keep coming back to you,basically ignoring the fact childishly that it's you who comes back. We both know we want to talk and converse the way we used to. it was always some kinda magic in the way we talked, the way we started to know each other. if only you could have waited.

I just cant help myself from wondering about the what if's! What if we could have been together? What if we could have made it work? Will sparks still fly between you and me like they used to??

But it isnt my fault alone, it's yours equally.

And yes, you need to answer your heart right away and honestly about why you kept coming back?

Have thousands of emotions rushing in the inside of me,but only a few are able to find their way out and into this long looong text.

I miss your stupid laugh,and the way you used to tease me,and the way you used to say my name,like it was meant for you to say..i miss our conversations,the way i could always..always speak my mind to you..rant about how crappy the whole day way,and how it made me forget it all when i thought of how at the end of the day,i am gonna crib about  it out in front of YOU.. But now it all lies in a bubble. This time, i know you're gone. We both know. This one time,when i honestly wanted you to look back one last time and confess about what you actually feel for me even today.

But i know you wont, coz you are just soo stubborn, and happy..with her. I want you to be happy. I wish you to be happy....But i need you back..Come back..Wish you read this and know, that the sunrises and sunsets can be ours..

We will happen, if we were meant to be. Now you are just Tattooed On My Mind, just can't erase you like that.

Breaking the Ice

Well, took me a long, long time to start blogging, but yes finally doing it. Yeah, sigh! Some new year resolutions make you do batshit crazy stuff, this one's just fine. Big deal for a procrastinator! Well here comes this stereotyped week, where people say, "Oh yay! Love is around the corner." Duh. They say such days bring you closer to your loved ones, but really, God knows. Love just is, whatever it may be.

What i want to write tonight is getting side tracked. So, anyways, furthermore to life. Who knows what curves life throws at times. Sometimes it just stands still at a place, but I wish time stood still at a place as well.Nobody waits for you as everyone is busy picking tiles for their own life's path, setting their own roofs right, picketing their own fences. Well, you cannot blame people really. They have their own responsibilities, relationships and commitments to cover up, you know, like you have to do it. Sometimes I just feel like asking someone passing by :Are you happy doing what you're do?Happy doing what everybody else is doing? Happy doing just what you see on your path? Have you ever thought of treading upon the path just besides the normal path that lays ahead of you? The road not taken? Ever tried to peek into what's besides you rather than what's in front of you? Some of these questions may put you in a fix.

I picked up a hobby a few years back, photography(which everyone else is picking up these days, sigh) Well, from an aspiring photographer's point of view, is it really important that you must capture each and every picture-perfect moment in front of you? Is it really a must you click every thing pretty and beautiful?
Then why is it always nicer in the earlier phases of learning about photography, where you stand and just enjoy clicking a picture? Why later on you start panicking when you missed a breathtakingly amazing and perfect shot? Why is the earlier phase much more easier and more joyful? Because you don't stress it too much. Because you don't try to squeeze the most out of something, which is already better just by its mere presence. So next time a pretty scene comes by, or you happen to pass it by, stop the panic right there. Sit down and gape. Drool and gaze at it. Cherish it. It's pretty hard that the scene comes by again. So just relish what's in front of you. Or maybe just gaze upon your sides, and beyond. Some things more beautiful and captivating may catch your sight.Eyes are your best cameras, after all.

And that's when Reality Strikes.