Tattooed On My Mind...

This is for You.

 I know you'll never read it, but it's just for my satisfaction, that i am putting this "out there", just for the sake of it. It's more like i'm sending this out into some black hole..some kinda void, but it's just for me.

I could never let you know how i felt about you. Too many unspoken words in between you and me,

most of them flung into the air and still dangling mid-air, with no one wanting to hear them or speak.

You and I were never meant to be, i always told you that. Still, why did you keep coming back? Why? 

When you came to me, you weren't someone i was looking out for, neither was i interested, but now that you're gone, i don't understand why this hollowness prevails within me.? Why were you here? You came as a lesson, that i understood as time passed, still.. there's something more to you than just that right?!

When you said you liked me..you suddenly went quiet. i never knew why. Later you called it love, I never knew that either. Wish you had told me everything the way you felt back then.. Why are you still lingering in my thoughts i don't get it. It's been nearly 4 years,goddamnit!! You left..I told you to..Still you are here, in my mind..taking up too much space.. i need space for more important stuff.. so just go awayy!!!Shooo!!

Sometimes i hate you so much that everything around me feels stingy and irritating just like you. Sometimes i just think and think and think of you, like you said you used to think about me. But things went awry. Now you're gone...with her.. 

I hear she's great, still why did you keep coming back? I never wanted to tell you off.. but i had to..for my own sake, and the sake of you..being with her. You always hated me for being so outright selfless,right?!

I want to tell you, for that moment you apologized to me for messing things up, i forgave you right then, right away. I want to tell you that every time i told you i don't remember what we had, or what you said to me back then, that i remember every word of it,every phrase.

You always acted like a little kid!! You know that right?! I never could tell you this, but you really acted like a fussy child,who didn't get what he wanted,so he became soo angryy, that he had to go find someone better right away! Yes she's better. But you didn't have to spring back at me with her, right after two months of us parting ways. But why did you keep coming back? I asked you..you never answered me!Are you confused or tricking yourself? What is it between you and me?! Or what was it, i'd rather say.

I take love as a pure thing, so there was never a point where we could have gone for a trial run n see where the things rolled out.. No. you're either in it or just not..

I am not like the girls you've known. You know that as well. You said that yourself, there's a difference between everyone else and me..i was not just anybody.

It's been quite a while, i've been standing still..looking at you..with her. yeah,sometimes i wish it was me in place of her, but what can i do?! Yes, i regret saying no to you then at times, but that fussy kid side of you just got me scared. What if you had walked away? I couldn't stand that much hurt. I always liked you..though initially not in that way, but later, yeah. Maybe you're living in these pretentious thoughts that i keep coming back to you,basically ignoring the fact childishly that it's you who comes back. We both know we want to talk and converse the way we used to. it was always some kinda magic in the way we talked, the way we started to know each other. if only you could have waited.

I just cant help myself from wondering about the what if's! What if we could have been together? What if we could have made it work? Will sparks still fly between you and me like they used to??

But it isnt my fault alone, it's yours equally.

And yes, you need to answer your heart right away and honestly about why you kept coming back?

Have thousands of emotions rushing in the inside of me,but only a few are able to find their way out and into this long looong text.

I miss your stupid laugh,and the way you used to tease me,and the way you used to say my name,like it was meant for you to say..i miss our conversations,the way i could always..always speak my mind to you..rant about how crappy the whole day way,and how it made me forget it all when i thought of how at the end of the day,i am gonna crib about  it out in front of YOU.. But now it all lies in a bubble. This time, i know you're gone. We both know. This one time,when i honestly wanted you to look back one last time and confess about what you actually feel for me even today.

But i know you wont, coz you are just soo stubborn, and happy..with her. I want you to be happy. I wish you to be happy....But i need you back..Come back..Wish you read this and know, that the sunrises and sunsets can be ours..

We will happen, if we were meant to be. Now you are just Tattooed On My Mind, just can't erase you like that.