Your hands in mine...

Seeing you there, seeing you everyday, now doesn't entice a thing within me. sitting there with you, with all that care in your eyes, couldn't take me back to where we left it. As your fingers playfully ran through my hair, and held my hands, it felt cold inside me. I wanted to, and i tried to say what i meant, right then and there. That the "us" that you're longing for, doesn't exist anymore.
It wasn't the first time i was trying to tell you this. Every time we walked those empty roads, i could hear those words rushing out of me, but then someone or the other we'd encounter, as we always do, and I'd swallow back the words.

It took me sometime, to cut the strings of attachments, one by one. Slowly, i took one step at a time. I had suffered enough hurt already. I just wasn't eager for more. I knew that our dreams of "us" were never turning to reality. You never were the person who intended on staying. I don't know why you stayed this long. Last year, it was a different me, already broken, on the verge of getting shattered. You came along, and made things worse. I never thought you were my glue, i knew it. But don't know why those kind words seemed like honey and i lapped on to it. Maybe, i didn't have enough energy left in me to push you back. It took me one summer, to sit and cut off all those strings brutally.
I had a realization.
I gained a perspective finally. I didn't know what "gaining" a perspective was, till i actually realized it.
I realized that you were my lesson, to grow stronger. You were my lesson to be a changed a person. I am a person who resists changes a lot, one who is scared do even move a chair in a different way, because it changes things. You said you were the best person out there, who can take care of me in the best way.
Sitting at home, away from you and all the hubhub, i had time to think, think about your place in my life. I had told you i'll leave, and you always thought you can pull me back like you had all the control in the world over me. 2 months away from you, made me see me. How much i had broken, how much you broke me further. I saw you as my kryptonite, made me weaker at my knees but all the very harmful for me, by all means. I decided, your infidelity wasn't worth my time and my heart. You'll never mend your ways. I notice you silently, doing all that you do, that you always did, trying to make me jealous with all those who had no idea.
Coming back, looking at those eyes, made me weak again, but this time i knew, you can't have me back. i wasn't the same anymore. the change i had always dreaded has struck me. Reminiscing all those times with you, made me laugh. That laugh relieved you as you thought you had me back, little did you know that laugh was of freedom.
I still sit with you, with all your stories and that head full of lies of yours. You staring at me, thinking of ways to get me running back to you, with those enthralling eyes tracing my every move. i both love it and hate it about you, that intent gaze about every detail about me, including my little bindi, which is off by a millimeter.
As we sit in those empty streets, you friskily take my hands in yours, pulling my cheeks with the other, i stare at your eyes full of fallacies.

The Comeback

Wow, it's been long since posted something. Not that this is for anybody's concern. ;) Everybody needs a comeback, from their roles, their lives everyday, their work, their relationships. We just forget who we are and just go with the flow of our lives, our emotions, sometimes unable to control our motion in the paths that we travel too. 

Well,  a lot of drama in life, since the past 1 year, well, since i blogged last. Changed cities, changed lifestyle and a changed person(hopefully) that I am right now, trying to live life normally. Well, it's me after all, how can things be normal, like, ever?! 

For somebody, thank you Mr. X, for leaving finally. Couldn't have asked you in a clearer way. Absolutely top-notch(though a bit unexpected) of you to make a comeback on my birthday. Way too much melodrama you created for a while in my life. Thank you for all the love, but no thank you now. We're done, finally. Just when you decide in life, you've had enough and done and dusted for the time being, life has lemons to throw at you, and remind you, oh we are not done. Same with you, Mr. X. When i finally decided that I have moved on, how can it soothe your heart? Well yeah, enough about you. Don't wanna spend a byte more of this text for you any longer.

This is "My Comeback" ;)

Started to look things in a new light, and trying to make amends, and trying to understand life less. Too much for my little mind. :P Rediscovered that sarcasm is the best medicine, and will continue to be so. Realized there are too many jerks around, who aren't even worth a dime of your attention, but however shall try their hardest to gather and drink in all the limelight around with their hogwashery. They think they know you too well, and can't keep their slithering smooth talking tongue from wagging. Even they know their claims that they know you, that you mean a lot to them, and they will never let you walk away, no matter what, is all tomfoolery and as cowardly as they get, will run away as soon as you confront them with the truth, which they can't handle. Like a moth to fire, they can't seem to see you happy either, constantly questioning the reasons of your happiness. Well, it's none of your business. As a good friend requoted from somewhere, "It's not that there are too many assholes in the world, but they are so strategically located that you meet one everyday." My addition to this quote-"Well, we might meet the same ones everyday too. I know some." :P ;)

This also dawned upon me that, there are some people who make you feel like the world is a worthwhile place, and that you do mean more than just a name. The ones that make you smile from your heart, right there, all warm and fuzzy. Still, never lose your individuality, nor your priorities. It's always good and intelligent to walk away where you deem your worth is being undervalued and compensated. You are not an option, and deserve every bit of the priority of the people you deem important and matter to you, and to whom you matter.

And always remember, no one can make you feel bad about yourself, without your consent. So put on your brightest smile, trot like it's nobody's business, because you're worth a lot more than you think you are.

Until next time.... Till reality strikes.. ;)