The Comeback

Wow, it's been long since posted something. Not that this is for anybody's concern. ;) Everybody needs a comeback, from their roles, their lives everyday, their work, their relationships. We just forget who we are and just go with the flow of our lives, our emotions, sometimes unable to control our motion in the paths that we travel too. 

Well,  a lot of drama in life, since the past 1 year, well, since i blogged last. Changed cities, changed lifestyle and a changed person(hopefully) that I am right now, trying to live life normally. Well, it's me after all, how can things be normal, like, ever?! 

For somebody, thank you Mr. X, for leaving finally. Couldn't have asked you in a clearer way. Absolutely top-notch(though a bit unexpected) of you to make a comeback on my birthday. Way too much melodrama you created for a while in my life. Thank you for all the love, but no thank you now. We're done, finally. Just when you decide in life, you've had enough and done and dusted for the time being, life has lemons to throw at you, and remind you, oh we are not done. Same with you, Mr. X. When i finally decided that I have moved on, how can it soothe your heart? Well yeah, enough about you. Don't wanna spend a byte more of this text for you any longer.

This is "My Comeback" ;)

Started to look things in a new light, and trying to make amends, and trying to understand life less. Too much for my little mind. :P Rediscovered that sarcasm is the best medicine, and will continue to be so. Realized there are too many jerks around, who aren't even worth a dime of your attention, but however shall try their hardest to gather and drink in all the limelight around with their hogwashery. They think they know you too well, and can't keep their slithering smooth talking tongue from wagging. Even they know their claims that they know you, that you mean a lot to them, and they will never let you walk away, no matter what, is all tomfoolery and as cowardly as they get, will run away as soon as you confront them with the truth, which they can't handle. Like a moth to fire, they can't seem to see you happy either, constantly questioning the reasons of your happiness. Well, it's none of your business. As a good friend requoted from somewhere, "It's not that there are too many assholes in the world, but they are so strategically located that you meet one everyday." My addition to this quote-"Well, we might meet the same ones everyday too. I know some." :P ;)

This also dawned upon me that, there are some people who make you feel like the world is a worthwhile place, and that you do mean more than just a name. The ones that make you smile from your heart, right there, all warm and fuzzy. Still, never lose your individuality, nor your priorities. It's always good and intelligent to walk away where you deem your worth is being undervalued and compensated. You are not an option, and deserve every bit of the priority of the people you deem important and matter to you, and to whom you matter.

And always remember, no one can make you feel bad about yourself, without your consent. So put on your brightest smile, trot like it's nobody's business, because you're worth a lot more than you think you are.

Until next time.... Till reality strikes.. ;)

My Love for you is gone

Your voice has gradually started to fade from my memory. Is it a good thing?

 Slowly I'm unable to recall your face. A push, and a pull and a nudge, what i held on off you lay scattered on the ground. The images, the memories, your laughs, your eyes. I pull out a picture from the stack. I stared and I gazed at it, like gazing at stars, and wondered, 'the same face everywhere, but just not in my mind'. I grow confused. Your laughter that once filled my ears, now doesn't stay there anymore. My eyes don't want to recognize you any more. That tiny mole on your nose and those bunny ears are about to leave my memory too. I pushed you. You left, long back. You came, you left, you came and you left. This time i pushed harder. You left, of course. It has never taken much, to make you leave. But couldn't you look back, that one last time? Somewhere in my heart, I longed for your return. But now, not any more. Why? Is it a good thing?

 I hated you and despised you for a long time. Bitterness filled my heart and I voiced spiteful words for you. Slowly it dried off, the bitterness. Now just fragments of it remain. I'm planning to brush them off too. What i thought I'd feel after the bitterness gone, is this blankness and void. But i don't feel that way. Maybe I'm past all that melodrama. Maybe it's high time that my happiness played it's own symphony rather than singing the tunes you wrote. The notes are too old now. So, I'd just tear them apart, and throw them away. 4 years. Way too much time wasted, don't you think? Yeah, it wasn't easy for me. We never said goodbye. Things were left dangling in mid-air. Thoughts were stopped from flowing. You and me could never turn 'we'. Now, i feel maybe we weren't meant to be. My love for you is gone. Is it a good thing?

The deeper I peek, the more I see how everything was so very right and so very wrong at the same time. Mostly, wrong was the time. How wrong could the stars be, that we found each other to part ways. How wrong could i be, to have held on to your memories, this far? Far too long isn't it. You found your happiness way back, in someone else. My happiness had lost it way. But i think, after having removed you from my mind, there's space enough in my memory for it to find it's way back home, to me. The baggages of emotions you left behind, I'm throwing them out too. You've outgrown them. They won't fit you anymore.I know I'll remain as a figment of your memory, but I think you need to move out now. Is it a good thing? 

 We never said good bye, but now i want to. Good byes can be tough, but they need to be said.

You were a nice part of my memories. Nice to have known you.  

Hasta La Vista, Baby. Au Revoir.

The Love That I Had For You!!!

I see your silhouette on the horizon,still too far..

Just left the battlefield, now my heart's door is ajar..

Wondering if you ever wandered the valleys of my thoughts, or just a figment of imagination..

Or was my reply not good enough for your retaliation..

Awestruck, a tiny hope flickers in my mind..

You'll come running back, but oh, will you ever be so kind?

Left me battered and bruised, shattered and smashed..

And that's one of the sites, where my dreams of you crashed..

Everything ever related to you is now so distant..

Striking everything in your way, making me hesitant..

Pains to think of you..

Good times that we've been through..

The best of times are now followed by the hurts..

All the happiness now slowly averts..

The room in my heart for you, now sits very blank..

You ran away so hurriedly, and just forgot to thank?

You turned my world so dark and pitch black..

Why couldn't I just ever turn on the lights back?

Is this your absence that's driving me crazy?

Every other thing in my mind now looks so hazy..

It's time you left me alone, because it's been so long..

Four each of winter, spring, rain and autumn..

I know i can't see you again smiling at me..

So why don't you just look front, and forget you, let me..

This time why don't you just leave and don't look back..

Because my broken heart is in pieces and now begun to crack..

That day...

There's a rainbow in the inside of my head. And a thousand butterflies fluttering about. The sky is a perfect hue of blue, and scarletty on the edges. The sun shining as if it's got this boundless basket, full of enlightenment and energy just revitalizing everything it falls upon, scattering it, seeing no lows, nor highs.

Distant mountains, snow-capped. Sweeping around is a cool breeze towards me. The lub-dub of my own heartbeats fill the space. I can feel the laughter that nested on my lips quietly earlier, now free from it's bounds, spring back to it's place and stuck to my face. A few butterflies tickled inside my stomach.

The greenery of the pastures , endless stretches.. Lush, tender green grass beneath my feet, feeling like velvet, as my feet sank into them. Dandelions brushing past my face, poppies spreading around like a carpet for the royal. I flirt with the rosy winds and steal a glance of everything around. A little brook surges nearby, and the water gargles like a little child giggling. A couple of deers frolicking upon those meadows,stopping and gazing at me. I wave at them, and they acknowledge. The world is painted a peachy shade, everything looks different, and awe-inspiring.

A delightful and wonderful persona, stands reincarnated. His aura is magnetic. I catch him peeking hither from near the horizon. I see him come my way. I guess i knew who he was, but he sure knew all of me. Changed, for the sake of being with me. And this never seen before picturesque stands there to be relished. I, mesmerized, soak it all within, and in the inside of me, the love is reborn, my love for life,rekindled. As they say, keep a green tree in your heart, and a singing bird shall come.

Life: The Ups and Downs

It's strange and funny as well, how people tend to find the meaning of their existence in life in a jiffy. Life is tough, and it is a struggle to find meaning in life. The great saints travelled to the Himalayas, and after a lot of penance, they found purpose. Life sometimes is simple as it looks, like a little baby's smile. But do we really know what's behind that hearty smile? I find it mysterious, as we never know what pleases a child?! That's why people get confused when a child throws tantrums or starts to cry for no apparent reason. 

Life's like that People take it for granted at times, but are thrown back at their own asses, and then they know how hard it can get to search for meaning in Life. Eat, Pray, Love? Can it be that simple? God knows.
People slowly start to analyze and think harder and harder. Then come phases in life, like you know, stages.
These phases are of 2 major kinds, the Bad and the Good. There's basically and officially no intermediate phase that satiates any person, and mostly the if there is an intermediate state, it only defines the saturatedness or stagnantness of people stuck in life, and at this point, one should fall back for retreat,sit and analyze, but not for too long. Think and start putting thoughts into action. People keep fluctuating between these two major phases and get confused, about what they want in life and what not.
The bad phase shows you the needs in life and the good phase shows you the wants. It's almost all about what you want, but when you need to struggle for the needs, people start valuing things. So,these phases keep coming and going in everyone's life.

In the good phase, things look even. The goodness done to people by you, seems like finally paying off. Throughout the phase you always feel lucky and happy about stuff and there's a sense of fulfillment. You suddenly start nurturing your ever-cherished wants and start a wild-goose chase behind it. A wisecrack for those in that phase- Don't do something in the heat of the moment,feeling lucky and thinking every bad you do, will not been seen or so. Nor say or do things that your conscience says that you might regret later in future, so just don't do it.
In the bad phase, people start assuming and remembering all the bad things they did or that they regret, that has put them in that place. The world seems like a bitter place. A bit of a wisecrack for them as well- Trust God, have faith. These are the things that will help you pull through the whatever bad ongoings. However  hard you have to toil, tolerate a bit longer, as someone wise had said once- 

"This too shall pass."

A line that will upset you in good times and gladden you up in sad times, like an honest reminder. Believe and trust God for whatever circumstances you run through,you'll come out of it, a winner. Battling your fears and instilling faith in mind, will pull you ashore for sure.

Sometimes, This Is What Life Is About..

Sometimes, life's like an abandoned, ruined mansion,whose pieces are scattered par recollection. Slowly the greenery of sadness and sorrows, and events around absorb the view, as they start growing on the ruins. And a sense of normalcy is restored. As everything looks as if nothing ever existed there before the greenery and the ruins, since eons. Seeping through the cracks of the ruins is Life, or what's left of it, flowing along, but doesn't know its path upstream. How can anything so broken,so damaged, flow upwards? How can things go right, if the whole base, the whole foundation is wrong; with no risks involved, unlike the salmons jumping upstream, getting caught by the grizzlies? Like being scared about making choices, because you're scared they might be wrong? 

Because this is not life, this is not what life is all about. This prolonged existence of the ruins, lived upon by the greenery of sorrows and vines of sadness is not it, because below it, still the base remains,to be dug up,to be built again.

People often walk down a lane,where they can't make a turn ever, so do most of the events around us. That doesn't mean we just sit down at that point and assume it is normal. No, it isn't.

This prolonged era of whatever that was, the whole assumption was wrong, of course.  

Life's something that sits on the dandelions, loitering and gliding in the open blue sky, location-untraced and destiny-unknown.

Life's sometimes strange and magical, like rising from it's own ashes, just like the phoenix; for a whole new beginning, and touching lives along. Life's that mansion to be rebuilt, choices to be made, those salmons still jumping upstream, with all those risks involved.

As a couple of epic lines from the movie "17 again" went by -

"When you're young and something goes wrong happens, everything seems the end, but it isn't. You get hurt by someone and perhaps you have to meet a couple of such jerks more, till you find the perfect person who treats you just the way you ought to be, like a princess, like the sun rises and sets with you."

So true. So for me, maybe a few jerks more,maybe a few risks more and no more use blaming destiny or whatsoever reasons for life not happening, because you need to make it happen. The element that's needed to make it work, the secret ingredient is You, Yourself!! :)

Tattooed On My Mind...

This is for You.

 I know you'll never read it, but it's just for my satisfaction, that i am putting this "out there", just for the sake of it. It's more like i'm sending this out into some black hole..some kinda void, but it's just for me.

I could never let you know how i felt about you. Too many unspoken words in between you and me,

most of them flung into the air and still dangling mid-air, with no one wanting to hear them or speak.

You and I were never meant to be, i always told you that. Still, why did you keep coming back? Why? 

When you came to me, you weren't someone i was looking out for, neither was i interested, but now that you're gone, i don't understand why this hollowness prevails within me.? Why were you here? You came as a lesson, that i understood as time passed, still.. there's something more to you than just that right?!

When you said you liked me..you suddenly went quiet. i never knew why. Later you called it love, I never knew that either. Wish you had told me everything the way you felt back then.. Why are you still lingering in my thoughts i don't get it. It's been nearly 4 years,goddamnit!! You left..I told you to..Still you are here, in my mind..taking up too much space.. i need space for more important stuff.. so just go awayy!!!Shooo!!

Sometimes i hate you so much that everything around me feels stingy and irritating just like you. Sometimes i just think and think and think of you, like you said you used to think about me. But things went awry. Now you're gone...with her.. 

I hear she's great, still why did you keep coming back? I never wanted to tell you off.. but i had to..for my own sake, and the sake of you..being with her. You always hated me for being so outright selfless,right?!

I want to tell you, for that moment you apologized to me for messing things up, i forgave you right then, right away. I want to tell you that every time i told you i don't remember what we had, or what you said to me back then, that i remember every word of it,every phrase.

You always acted like a little kid!! You know that right?! I never could tell you this, but you really acted like a fussy child,who didn't get what he wanted,so he became soo angryy, that he had to go find someone better right away! Yes she's better. But you didn't have to spring back at me with her, right after two months of us parting ways. But why did you keep coming back? I asked you..you never answered me!Are you confused or tricking yourself? What is it between you and me?! Or what was it, i'd rather say.

I take love as a pure thing, so there was never a point where we could have gone for a trial run n see where the things rolled out.. No. you're either in it or just not..

I am not like the girls you've known. You know that as well. You said that yourself, there's a difference between everyone else and me..i was not just anybody.

It's been quite a while, i've been standing still..looking at you..with her. yeah,sometimes i wish it was me in place of her, but what can i do?! Yes, i regret saying no to you then at times, but that fussy kid side of you just got me scared. What if you had walked away? I couldn't stand that much hurt. I always liked you..though initially not in that way, but later, yeah. Maybe you're living in these pretentious thoughts that i keep coming back to you,basically ignoring the fact childishly that it's you who comes back. We both know we want to talk and converse the way we used to. it was always some kinda magic in the way we talked, the way we started to know each other. if only you could have waited.

I just cant help myself from wondering about the what if's! What if we could have been together? What if we could have made it work? Will sparks still fly between you and me like they used to??

But it isnt my fault alone, it's yours equally.

And yes, you need to answer your heart right away and honestly about why you kept coming back?

Have thousands of emotions rushing in the inside of me,but only a few are able to find their way out and into this long looong text.

I miss your stupid laugh,and the way you used to tease me,and the way you used to say my name,like it was meant for you to say..i miss our conversations,the way i could always..always speak my mind to you..rant about how crappy the whole day way,and how it made me forget it all when i thought of how at the end of the day,i am gonna crib about  it out in front of YOU.. But now it all lies in a bubble. This time, i know you're gone. We both know. This one time,when i honestly wanted you to look back one last time and confess about what you actually feel for me even today.

But i know you wont, coz you are just soo stubborn, and happy..with her. I want you to be happy. I wish you to be happy....But i need you back..Come back..Wish you read this and know, that the sunrises and sunsets can be ours..

We will happen, if we were meant to be. Now you are just Tattooed On My Mind, just can't erase you like that.